Giggles at Dory =)

2010-04-04T06:54:00.000-07:00

mood: :)

tunes: come on eileen - SAVE FERRIS

this is ....

... the joy of life. love psychedelico.

love much. much love.

xoxo,

feebs.

2010-03-05T05:06:00.000-08:00

mood: :)

tunes: you're the only exception - PARAMORE

I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't

Let go of what's in front of me here

I know you're leaving in the morning, when you wake up

Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

And I'm on my way to believing

Oh, and I'm on my way to believing

salby have left the building.

and i am three weeks to myself.

and obviously, i need to redo my soul searching.

which i believe on doing and improving.

three cheers for me!

COME BACK SAFELY OKAYS?!

let my have my longchamp!!! :)

joke: Why do gorilla have a big nostrils?

I LOVE YOU!

xoxo,

feebs.

2010-02-20T04:44:00.000-08:00

mood: sometimes, it feels upsided.

tunes: gimme sympathy - METRIC

I can feel it in my bones

Gimme sympathy

After all of this is gone

Who'd you rather be?

The Beatles or the Rolling Stones?
Oh, seriously
You're gonna make mistakes, you're young
Come on, baby, play me something
Like, "Here Comes the Sun"
Come on, baby, play me something
Like, "Here Comes the Sun"

sometimes, i feel the effort which i had made wasnt put to good use. but i shouldnt be whinny and just accept the fact that everything thats given to me is more than whats needed. but sometimes, it feels as if its not the same portion. but we cant judge through that and we are not given the priority on comparison. but what can i do?

sometimes it did make me feel silly when i endlessly send you txt messages.

i feel dumb.

i want to talk to you so badly.

and explain things and get it right.

and not just put it behind and never understanding it.

give me the opportunity to explain every single details in whats needed to hear.

yes, i do care for you.

but ....

xoxo,

feebs.

2010-01-31T21:45:00.000-08:00

mood: demandingly scratchy.

tunes: do something - DENALI

on this thought, i never have thought i would have existed in one's life.

indicating a mark on your somewhere visible.

yes, you dont have to worry that much.

because you have left a mark on me.

and no one's coming to get me.

no one at all.

to muhaimin, if you are reading this.

i want to thank you for still having my link in your web history.

do me a favour will you?

right after poly have ended, delete this link.

because my stories are not bearable to understand.

so, yes, tell me when you have cured.

thank you.

to you: have you inserted my link yet?

i have never adored anyone this much.

silly, dont pretend it isnt you.

xoxo,

feebs.

2010-01-31T21:41:00.000-08:00

mood: GLEE

tunes: brick by boring brick - PARAMORE

tell no one.

tell no one.

i love you.

very much.

xoxo,

feebs.

2010-01-23T06:57:00.000-08:00

mood: :|

tunes: take my heart - SOKO

tell me its for real.

that you have come back.

cause its too real for me to accept the reality that i am facing now.

i know, i have been longing for this.

but i am unsure whether this is for real.

let time take its stroll.

and we shall see where we would be heading to.

i love you.

you love me.

thats all that matter now.

xoxo,

feebs.

2009-12-15T03:46:00.000-08:00

mood: :|

tunes: tigerlily - MATCHBOOK ROMANCE

we drive tonight, and you are by my side.

We're talking about our lives, like we've known each other forever.

the time flies by, with the sound of your voice.

its close to paradise, with the end surely near.

and if i could only stop the carand hold onto you, and never let go (and never let go)

i'll never let go (i'll never let go)

as we round the corner
to your house

you turned to me and said,"i'll be going through withdrawal of you for this one night we have spent."

and, i want to speak these words but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,and accept "someday, somehow" as the words that we'll hang from.

and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.

'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse.

and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.

'cause i, i don't want to make things any worse.

why does tonight, have to end?

why don't we hit restart, and pause it at our favorite parts.

we'll skip the goodbyes.

if i had it my way,i'd turn the car around and runaway.

just you and i.

and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.

'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse. (any worse)

and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words

'cause i, i don't want to make things

and i, i don't want to make things any worse

things started to fall apart the day before.

and its even harder to be walking in my shoes for the day after.

why would this happen.

i didnt make the mess at all.

i dont have the answer.

and neither would you.

how's life?

feebs.

I LOVE.

2009-11-29T08:07:00.000-08:00

mood: sticky-icky-licky-dicky *oppsky*

tunes: let love down - LADY GAGA

make your dreams come true.

journey to magical land.

share your love and joy.

last night, i kissed.

feebs.

2009-11-18T14:47:00.000-08:00

mood: strucked up.

tunes: littlest things - LILY ALLEN

yesterday, before i went to sleep, alot of things went through my head. partially, i have been thinking about my dad. its been already seven months since he departed. and suddenly i felt the missing. seven months and i didnt realised it until yesterday.

i miss the smile.

i miss the laughter.

i miss the joke.

i miss the humor.

i miss the scoldings.

i miss the habits.

i miss everything.

that brings you so different.

each of us have our own spot for you in our heart.

filled with emotions and feelings of individualities.

each of us dont want to say it out loud.

as it is our most soft & sensitive spot.

once we spoke what's inside, we would start rolling tears.

and we wont stop until theres no more left.

if we cry, its like we are going going against the almighty.

like we dont accept the fact.

but we sustain those tears until night falls.

on the pillow, we let it out.

tears after tears.

memory after memory.

missing the facial features.

sometime scare that i would forget.

thats so much things we could do.

but we didnt manage to do.

i regret for wasting my youth.

and i regret for not doing it properly.

i am sorry.

but i love you.

please keep it a secret.

feebs.

2009-11-09T16:30:00.000-08:00

mood: felt shitty

tunes: this is not - BLONDE REDHEAD

i am sorry.

this is how it should be.

i decided to cut it off.

because i know you are unsure.

and i felt like a rebound.

whenever you needed me.

i dont want to be your rebound anymore.

but i wanted to be your one.

i am sorry.

for things to happen this way.

why must you come again.

when you know i wouldnt change.

i wouldnt have taken you, for what you would have said.

but i have taken paranoid.

to be part of this frenzy shape.

i am sorry.

cos i wanted to make you realise.

everything you wanted, you cant be owned.

you have to earned it, like everyone else.

and i dont give a shitte, even if you say.

but i want you to be sincere.

of things rather than just to say.

i am sorry.

for making you this way.

all i know that i love you.

and i wish to see you graduate.

i want to see you in 3 years time.

i would still be there for you.

even if you werent.

i am sorry.

and please forgive me.

to you, i am sorry.

i dont know whether i still love you.

feebs.

2009-10-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

mood: i feel shitty as always

tunes: please please please, let me get what i want - THE SMITHS

why am i stupid, to keep falling back into the same state as last time.

its been so long that it must change.

i dont like staying in this condition for far too long.

why hadnt i take that leap to move on.

i want to move on.

but things keep pulling me back.

why does my heart felt so heavy when i see things.

i cant jump to conclusion.

never will and never again.

why must i conclude things on my own.

i want a peace of my mind.

i need a peace of my own mind.

now and definitely now.

please help me.

dont come into my system anymore.

feebs.

2009-10-15T07:40:00.000-07:00

i am so fucking sick to my stomach.

knowing that you are like that.

fuck that, you ass.

2009-09-30T05:54:00.000-07:00

mood: life's like that

tunes: savoring every silent moment

guess who's back!

hahha, yes its me.

had a great time in KL with all the funny people. appreciate it alot people! :)

and to aida:

i am so sorry for farting so loudly when you are about to go to sleep. and it woke you up. and your natural comfy pillow which i love so much! :)

okays, byebye.

i miss everyone!

feebs.

2009-09-23T08:43:00.000-07:00

mood: sleeping.

tunes: tore my heart - ONA

i am here.

and you are here.

we are here.

and so is everybody!

*cheer up*

i want to be strict to myself. please dont come intwinding yourself into my life. though i tried to be your best buddy but it seems i cant do such a task. its so hard and i am so freaking pissed with myself. one day you will realised how much you had missed me and the littlest thing that makes an attitude.

that one day, maybe i will stay.

maybe, i would go.

take care.

and for now, i am not going to retrace back.

feebs.

2009-09-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

mood: saddened.

tunes: use somebody - KINGS OF LEONS

days to hari raya: 6 days.

counting down?

i dont think that would be any necessary to count down.

as the days count down by itself, it dampens me to every single memory i had.

together with him.

i missed his scoldings.

his fierce face.

i miss dad.

full heartedly.

you wont believe it when i say i miss you.

you wont believe it when i say i love you.

be the judge.

feebs.

2009-09-05T22:31:00.000-07:00

mood: tiredstressconfused.

tunes: koop island blues - KOOP

how can life be.

if its is meant to be meaningful.

how can life be.

flowing like the streams of river.

memories of dad keep passing by.

on the last days before he left.

on his hospital bed.

and how i felt right at the moment when i saw him.

so weak and fragile.

i still remembered i was from work.

and decline on taking an urgent leave deeming that everything is fine.

mum wasnt accompanied by anyone.

how insensitive was i not to realised sooner.

that these are the last days.

how pathetic was i when i saw him and i started crying secretly.

didnt wish for him to see i was crying.

let me be strong on this days. days coming. and let me stay strong for people around me. let me be a person full of patience towards my mum and listen to all her sayings.

i will always love you.

feebs.

2009-08-25T07:26:00.000-07:00

mood: junk ups.

tunes: love hurts - INCUBUS

i woke up.

only to realise that today was your birthday.

i didnt want to acknowledge the day.

i scared the past might just come in.

without a knock on the door.

and without realising.

i am afraid the the tears from my eyes.

would suddenly flow.

thinking the good times we had all together.

celebrating each other's birthday.

when the clock strikes 12 midnight.

we surprise one another.

gave each other hugs and kisses.

i swear i swear to you.

i didnt forget it was your birthday.

happy birthday daddy.

if you are still here, you are 50 years old.

well, today was the the day that i had started to write on paper with my pen. its been so long since i have done such a thing. :) happy that it happened though. gee, its ramadhan. but i dont feel like its ramadhan. it feels all so different. and the fact that i know why it is so different but i dont wish to acknowledge it. :(

i know that he would be coming back home. on this holy month. to take care of us. just like how he usually did. i dreamt of you. you were returning home and i hugged you so tight and i didnt want to let you go at all. cos i missed you so much from the last time i saw you. i was happy to see you. i wanted to show you alot of things and i wanted to share alot of things with you also. only to realise it was only a dream. i felt your presence on the first day of fasting. i could smell you. the usual you. daddy, i miss you very much. back from the last time.

i realised that i have waited long. and i dare say that i dont want to do anything with you anymore. though you make me feel very guilty for the things which you had said. and i dont know why i am crawling back to the same place as before. no i cant let you have things your way cos it takes two hands to clap. i am also involved. so let me have it my way too. so you can learn the nature of things around you. be a man. a matured one and realised your mistakes okays?

dont worry. i am still your friend no matter what. i will be there to advice on your silly acts on girls and dont you dare hurt them.

do i still love you?

i dont know.

feebs.

2009-08-14T20:32:00.000-07:00

mood: sick, tired and homeless.

tunes: bad sun - THE BRAVERY

do i stand a chance against you?

do i stand a chance to be with you?

do i stand a chance to gain what is rightfully mine?

do i stand a chance to be your voice?

do i stand a chance to be your sight?

do i stand a chance to be your lover?

do i stand a chance to be with you again?

byebye cousin syafiq. i was indeed a sad departure to see my cousin who love disturbing me to go for his flight to dubai for ... 2 years? i am sad that you wont be here to come and celebrate hari raya together. :( i love you all and bless a save journey.

oh yeah, i just bought a new backpack.

manhattan portage.

at long last. :)

i dont know why.

dont leave me hanging again.

not for the second time.

because i still hold feelings for you.

let me be frank.

i am still in love with you.

feebs.

2009-08-06T06:07:00.000-07:00

mood: burry the tiredness inside.

tunes: whenever there is you - KOOP

i never thought i would find a way.

to see you smile.

like a shimmering starlight.

so bright, oh so shimmering.

i never thought that you would smile.

at me, at you.

and i just stare at your smile.

to starstrucked that it made me smile.

i didnt give you my smile.

but my heart was smiling.

thank you so much for the present.

i really appreciate it.

but may i know what is the event?

cos i really need to know why.

can i know please?

thank you again. i love it indeed.

does it still lingers?

thats the question.

feebs.

2009-07-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

mood: iamsofckedup.

tunes: last nights request - THE GREAT SPY EXPERIMENT

apologies for ruining your morning.

i didnt mean to.

but something cropped up.

and i hate it.

things happened so much.

and i am still dreaming.

in the lowest part of my life, i always start to think.

why why why?

why will my dad suddenly pop into my head?

because i know, he doesnt wants this.

seeing me sad, he wouldnt want to say.

sometimes, it seems like it just happened yesterday.

the things i have lost most in a day.

so fast that it dropped from my hand.

what happened?

tell me because i am myself curious of whats happening.

i am blank actually.

can i have the answers to my questions?

please.

fcked it. i still love you.

feebs.

2009-07-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

mood: sleepy shitte.
tunes: there goes my outfit - GANG OF LOSERS

i dont understand the shitte you are trying to say. i dont understand the shitte that is coming out from your mouth. What the shitte you blabbering about?

two humans.
unknown to one another.
one being a hypocrite.
one being a retard.
what can you have more than this.
is the combination of both.
double the effectiveness.
double the hate.

open your eyes big. see the world. breathe the air. and look far from whats in front. i think you have no heart. and no feelings. maybe its store together with your ego? maybe. but for whats worth, you arent worth everything from me. ouch, that hurts? not really.

what hurts the most is seeing you trying so hard.
but you failed to subscribe the full happiness to us.
gee, both of you are loserd.

wait, hang on a second.
isnt that fat and skinny loser?

oh yeah.
heartless.

fcking losers.

feebs.

2009-07-18T07:14:00.000-07:00

mood: tired as a semistrings.
tunes: kopi dangdut - THE SALLYS

ops, let me warn you.
the bitch is out.

be careful okays.

:D

love you my dear.

feebs.

2009-07-17T07:36:00.001-07:00

mood: dizzlekesizzle.
tunes: things left unsaid - THE DISCIPLINE

i think my mother is imagining things.
things when i cant hear and she can.
sometimes that creeps me up.
but what the hell.
and stay to listen what she have been hearing.
but i ended not hearing anything.
i wonder what is in her head.
to have all this voices in her head.

hello mother, are you okays?
do you miss kittens?

meow, yes i do.

i went to gramp's place today. only to start havin conversation of the loss ones. we share the happiness during those times. only to end wiping each other's tears. we all still do believe of the pressence. though its been months and we all miss you.

sometimes, there are things that reminded me of you.
oh how you used to care.
i cant stop pondering.
of all the things.
that have gone through in us and through memory lane.
i would always be there when you dont know.
there are alot of things.
you and me and the things left unsaid.

i love you. and i would always do.

feebs.

2009-07-14T07:07:00.000-07:00

mood: living in a dream i never dreamt before.
tunes: midnight skies - THE PERISHERS

i wish i would be like last time.
screaming and shouting at the smallest things i have seen.
dancing and clapping at the greatest things i fall upon.
tripping over the silly things ever.
stepping upon my own foot and blaming on the uneven floor.
getting high and jumping up and down.

i wish i was like last time.
kissing you when i am happy.

gee, i dont know.
i still love you.

feebs.

2009-07-11T09:20:00.000-07:00

mood: zombie zoink
tunes: le temps del'amour

biscuits and tea.
baskets and clothes.
french and sexy.

fuck it.

we played soccer and we conquered.
we dance in the middle and sing to the muse.
singing like no one business to make me fall.
butt first den hands.
we scored to the goal we dream.
and beat their ass flat.
we won!

meow.
lets play tennis.
who wants to play tennis.
shout OUII!

okays.

au revoir.

je vous aime.

feebs.

2009-07-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

mood: confused.

dont ask me.
i am tired.

feebs.

2009-07-01T06:13:00.000-07:00

mood: neutral.
tunesoutz: loves hurt - INCUBUS

master the walk.
master the style.
master the talk.
master the look.
master the smile.
master the sway.
master the master.
and you will master it.

i saw your face today.
and i turn away.
facing the tree.
only to have memories.
and i start to fall again.
how could i?

sucker bleargh.
why do asshole such an asshole?

bye my lover. please dont fall for me. i am not worth the wait. as i am still so weak. i dont need those now. though i may look like i need. all i need is sometime alone. thinking of the possibilities that the future is bearing for me. please dont fall for me. it will make your heart sore. leave me if you can. before its far too late.

i dont know. what crap shittes i am blabbering.
man, i miss nadiah, amalina and lanxi.

i love you.

feebs.

2009-06-13T20:34:00.000-07:00

mood: tiredsommerism.

audiovox: in the manner of speaking - NOUVELLE VAGUE

friday was the last day we were together. together as one in the room where alot of things happened and also where memories were made. in that pathway where we all walk, shout and laughed like retarded jerks. but who cares? we have each other and shout as loud as we want till we lose our voice at the top of our lungs. the time we spend was very much worthwhile as it made us the greatest of the friends. we love you and you love we. never ever end that friendship that made us all today. EMRS!

i visited my dad today.

i couldnt stop the tears.

i missed him terribly.

memories of you kept repeating in my head.

and i couldnt stop the flow.

i really miss the laughter.

i really miss the smile.

i really miss the care.

i really miss the person.

happy father's day. soon enough.

i love you.

feebs.

2009-06-10T05:28:00.000-07:00

mood: confused.
tunes: know that i - ALICE SMITH

what am i to write over here?
i have no idea at all or whatsoever.
geee, what is my mind isnt working?
hello, anyone in there?

no, no one is here.

i have something to talk about! maybe, maybe is it so? hah, i dont know again. why am i so blur? why am i like a goldfish. blub, blub, blub. jeeeez. help me out here. maybe, any one? haha. okays, this is turning lame. maybe, i should just start talking shtittes.

love is noise.
love is pain.
and we are seeing it again.

random things.
i am a person.
i am a butterfly.
i am your lover.
i am your singer.
i am your everything.
what are you?

i want to say I LOVE YOU.

french is sexy. so i can sing in french and make everyone vomit at the same time. cool.

feebs.

2009-06-06T02:20:00.000-07:00

mood: dampens to think.

tunes: saat terakhir - ST12

when i listen to this song, it reminds me of two person whom made an effect in my life. and i dont know how to pursue life after this two important person goes away. it hard to go on with life but we are just humans. normal humans. i feel sad that two person have passed on. allah, help me out in this.

it went way back when i was with you and you were with me. i didnt take the sickness seriously as i believed that there is always a cure for any kind of illness. i didnt take any care for you were sick. i know mum would be there to take care of you and i lead my own life with you whom i loved dearly. i didnt take the initiative to come inside the room and talk to you or ask how you are for the whole day you are at home. the first time you are at hospital, i didnt take much notice at how you are because you looked so fine and healthy. laughing along like you are not sick. i was happy and i lead my life as usual as possible because i know you would be fine from this illness.

the second time you were admitted in the hospital, you were sick. i could see it in your eyes but you were always hiding in somehow. you didnt come home for sometime and i know i missed you. probably abit. i came everyday to visit you and i do spent sometime with the person i was in love at that moment. you were so fine. so i didnt take any notice in your life. i didnt care and i lead my life as usual. but by then, my life started to rumble over my relationship. i didnt want to mix relationship with family so most of the time i was inside my room trying to figure out what is happening in me. you came home happy and so was i, for a moment. then mum broke the news to me that you had cancer. inside my brain, i was dead. i couldnt think but just nod my head. i was ignorant towards your sickness.

the third time you were admitted in hospital, by then, i wasnt in a relationship anymore. i was so sad and sorrowful. i couldnt lead my life anymore because the person whom i loved dearly left me at the moment when i need him the most. i was so down that felt like a fcuking loser. i couldnt smile anymore to think about the pass. when i came home one day, my mum saw me crying and she came upon me. i couldnt confess to her that we were over. but i ended up losing and she told me not to be sad and cry in front of my dad as we all know he is sick. if we cry, he knows we are sad. we must be strong for one another and make each other strong. i remember when you were at the hospital, you were smiling like you are not sick. when i came to the hospital, i was the first to know something which i was not ready to hear. dad is having cancer at last stage. the chance of him getting cured is 0%. he might go at anytime. mum cried but i couldnt cried because i felt numb inside. i lost all my emotions to my relationship. all i had to do was console my mum and we smile upon seeing my dad again. i stayed by his side though i was sad inside deeply. i make him smile. and played with him. and i texted to inform you that dad was sick but you acted ignorant. days after, you came home. i decided to stay by your side at most of the days and accompany you. i know you started to be real sick by then. you were weak but you didnt show it to us. i know. you wanted to give us strength and we wanted to give you strength. i remembered staying by your side. teaching you how to use the new laptop which you were happy of getting. i stayed the way through. and you were happy when you saw your brother online from dubai. i was happy to see you smiling though it was a weak smile. i leave the room giving you time to your brother. and i came to aid you whenever you need me. i spend my time with you whole heartedly to forget about my pass relationship. i know i wasnt recovering.

the last time when you were admitted to hospital, i immediately ran from school to see you. its been four times since you were admitted to hospital. i know something is not improving. i felt something was not right also. i was the first to reach. when i saw you at your hospital bed, i started to tear though my mum asked me not to tear. but i couldnt stop tearing. i was sad to see that you are laying so weak on the bed. you werent the dad before who would lead me whenever i had problems. whom wont give up on helping me out. you were so weak and skinny. you have changed. i cried and the tears cannot stop even though i asked it to. i was so sad. and so was mum. inside my heart, i cried. it never stops. my cousin came and i cried again. they were shocked to see dad like that. everyone was. i dont know who to tell this feeling to. should i text you? i dont knw. but i just texted you and told you dad was in hospital but you just acted ignorant. i wanted to scream and shout. the feelings inside me. i dont know how to react towards it. i was so dumbfolded.

the second day you were in hospital, you were weak and you were not conscious. i dont know if you knew i was beside you. massaging you. i was there beside you. afriad you would go without saying goodbye. the second day was the scariest day. we almost lose you but allah help us out. i was sad. i was sad indeed. i couldnt stop crying thinking that you would be gone today, tomorrow or days after tomorrow. i dont know. i missed you. i missed you. i missed talking to you and your lame jokes which make us remember you no matter how lame the joke is. i missed you! so much. for days i cried till there are no more tears to roll down. i realised you didnt come by to visit. i thought you would care. but you wouldnt. friends of yours came by and visited you and prayed for you. i couldnt stand seeing you being drugged like that with all the medicine. anytime soon. just waiting but i dont want you to go, dad. i want you to come home and play with the kittens.

the day. i came by your bed feeling so happy. i joke with you and clean you up. i brushed your teeth and gave you ice. and make you cleaned. i help you take your wudhu and you got to pray. we bought you stress ball so you could squeeze the pain away. but however, you looked different today. but i dont care. cos all the days, i treasure each and everyday. time pass very slowly that day. then you suddenly to talk nonsense. things like that. it was a sign that you are leaving soon. but i didnt knw. i just seat on the chair opposite you and stare at you. i couldnt think anything but sadness running through me. how could i lead my life from now on? i dont knw. my mother scolded me for the way i stared at you. and i went to pray for you. two hours after i prayed, suddenly you started to show the signs. signs that you were leaving. slowly, slowly, slowly.... and you left. i cried on your arms. i was so sad. i couldnt control my feelings. i dont know what to do. i cried. i had a last look. dad, i miss you. so much. very much. i lead a life filled with emptiness. i didnt knw. i felt sad.

i lost two person whom i loved dearly at such a short time. i regret some things but i cant now as its in the past. i love you two no matter what happens. i love you all. but for all i know, it was a sad process.

i love you, dad.
i love you, sally.

feebs.

2009-06-06T02:09:00.000-07:00

mood: lazy like drug shucken!

tunes: not fair - LILY ALLEN

i know i am in love with two girls at the same time. i dont know why but they give me inspiration to live one and never give up upon things that tumble upon. oh whatever it is. i am in LOVE!

<br>

two pretty ladies. whom i looked forward upon as inspiration. zoey deschanel and lily allen. i just dont get tired looking at them. pretty and also very judgementive. i love. oh wells, i dont know what to say more about them. overall, AWESOME.

i love you!

feebs.

2009-06-04T05:04:00.000-07:00

mood: dampens.

tunes: sounds of the thunderbird.

its thursday.

and thursday means something.

which is define to something very soulful and in-self speculation.

so what is thursday?

the day which i will try my very best to communicate with my daddy and send him regards from us all. tell him how we all missed him and to see him in our dreams, hearts and minds. share with him our days that went passed and problems that fall before us. to cry with him over emotional things that make us so sad and feel better again in the end.

thursday the day where i see you and you will see me.

and i would communicate with you.

we all miss you, dad.

feebs.

2009-06-03T05:34:00.000-07:00

mood: blur as a goldfish

tunes: day n nite- KID CUDI

day and night. it seems like days just walk pass and gone through with it.

okays to be frank, i dont know what the bloody hell i am talking.

HAHAS.

nowadays, it have been tiring with school and also my own life which i have to lead every single day without a fail of placing a smile on my face. and cheering the people around me. but what can i do to place the other emotions? i dont know. sometimes, its better to bottle them up and throw it away rather then showing it off and disappoint the poeple who are closest to us. i dont know. i would be smileys and stop whinning.

how i wish, i could hug my dad right now and tell him how much i love him.

because i miss him so badly.

feebs.

2009-05-23T03:56:00.000-07:00

mood: fcked up.

tunes: somedays - THE STROKES

i sometimes wonder why out of all the humans in the world, i am brought forward with such a hassle and heavy challenge. i really dont know why. i am sitting here on my bed thinking the consequences of solving or even going through this challenge. i tell you, it is hard to go through this challenge. its a challenge of feelings where it would take seconds for it to solve but days, months or even years for it to be gone. oh dear, why am i the choosen one and it takes so long for it to be gone. for all i know, i am clueless of the consequences that is beholding against me.

oh dear. what am i going to do.

i really hate going through this again and again.

its a never ending story ever.

it hurts to be seeing people whom you dearly love go away.

how could you not fall in love with that person.

sometimes, i wonder how you are going to do that.

but its hard not to fall in love.

or get your love betrayed.

i feel i am so emo right now.

that i feel like smacking myself.

sheesh, thats sadistic.

oh allah, please help me out in this.

because i have been doing all sorts of things.

but in the end, i would always come back to you.

and that the saddest thing.

help me out here.

i beg you!!!

if you are reading this, thats good. because i want to get this straight into your face.

i just want to be friends with you and nothing else more. getting hurt twice isnt a funfair of emotions rollercoaster. but what i am asking isnt much. just dont hurt the girl whom you are dating now like how you hurt the others including me. please, its not a nice thing for such things to happen to a girl. its disgusting in fact. i hope i could be your good friend so i can scold you when you are doing something worng. i am sorry for such assumptions and i miss talking to the kitty.

thank you for reading.

feebs.

2009-05-12T20:50:00.000-07:00

mood: suckerbleargh.

itunes: in a manner of words - NOUVELLE VAGUE

In a Manner of speaking

I just want to say

That I could never forget the way

You told me everything

By saying nothing

In a manner of speaking

I don't understand

How love in silence becomes reprimand

But the way that i feel about you

Is beyond words

i just realised. something. when i woke up. today. i felt my heart. it was painful. like something was stabbed. but i couldnt even describe it for more. for all i know. i was hurt. real pain hurt shittes.

why are people so evil?

next time, just give me the words that give me nothing.

so its better to put words without warning or meaning.

leave it like that.

happy life.

feebs.

2009-04-30T07:05:00.000-07:00

mood: its been great.

tunes: i will follow you into the dark - DEATH CAB FOR CUTIES

we spend sometime together walking.

spend sometime talking.

about who we were.

you held my hands so very tighly.

and tell me what we could be dreaming of.

theres nothing like you and i.

its been great for the week. i am happy things happened. hopefully it will happen for the most of the days. i am greatly delighted. thank you. and i am happy. i wish my dad could see me now. like how happy i am now. dad, i miss you.

feebs.

i love you.

2009-04-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

mood: glimming like the star.

tunes: liquid lives - HADOUKEN

i couldnt believe it.

my guts got your attention.

i was so glad.

that you started talking to me.

i hope that it would stay like that.

that kind of friendship.

that kind of relationship.

i was so happy.

delighted and smiling glimmily.

i couldnt believe i was talking to you.

to allah, i prayed.

to allah, i thank you.

i was glad.

my prayers was answered.

by noone other than you.

when you started talking.

i was already happy.

i actually cried.

thinking of it.

really, i did.

i am happy.

for the friendship that we would have.

that kind of relationship.

i am scared to ask me.

so with this bit.

i am already appreciative.

i am glad we are talking.

i would start praying again.

hoping it will be answered.

oh allah, please do.

because i have my friend back.

oh i am so happy.

gleaming like the stars.

hi my name is filzah.

what is your name?

today is dad's 40 days.

i miss dad.

very much indeed.

i cried just now thinking about his friends that he left behind.

how he went off suddenly.

i cried.

i miss you, dad.

2009-04-20T05:21:00.000-07:00

mood: i feel so sad.

tunes: american boy - ESTELLE

i feel so sad today.

suddenly so sad.

the thought of memories came flooding into my veins.

my brains.

myself.

i suddenly feel so sick of myself.

i want them to hear what i have got to say.

but for all i know.

i cant.

because they wont listen.
and they will just stand still and act ignorant.

i feel so sad its happening.

i really pray for the better endings.

but for the endings i dont see a smile.

i feel so sad.

so sad i can be mad.

i really do love you.

though it have been months.

i shouldnt have been thinking about you.

but apart of it, its you who have hurt me.

and i dont care if you do.

for all i know.

i miss you.

i want you back.

so badly.

i can do something to myself.

please come back to me.

i beg you.

2009-04-14T03:02:00.000-07:00

mood: psychedellic, mainstream, popmosher.

tunes: stonehearted - ANTHONY GREEN

did you realised that you apologised.

its not your fault.

cause we all fcked up.

the days have been fine. and great to the extent that i didnt played with my emotions. i am glad that i didnt do such a thing that might hurt what's inside me. playing with emotions is something that hurts internal systems that will eventually lead to emotional breakdown. when there's emotional breakdown, people who tend to be ignorant to emotions, will not know what and how to react. as such a thing will be them so dumbfooled. which is actually true. what that person can give is just merely a basic thing which is just a heart and pad at the back and some basic words of encouragement. this is what happens when one turns its back on emotions.

that was me.

i turn back on my emotions.

when i saw someone cried.

i didnt know what to do.

i just acted like i knew.

and pat the person.

saying dont cry because everything will be alright.

and she bite me.

ouch.

that merely hurts.

and i ran in the park. to catch my lovely kittens. and played idlely with them. so adorable arent they. yes they are. running on paws and claws. catching me and i am catching them. chasing what we all want. love, care and concern. baby kittens wont stay being a baby anymore. they will evetually grow up. every paw you took is a step towards your cat years. meow. yes i know. i love you too. always starring at me like i am going to leave you. i promise i wont since you already clawed my heart with your kitty paws. and fur ball inside me. meow, we made the sexy cat fight.

miracle sun, stay with me tonight.

we dont want to be without you.

i wish i will get you back.

for all i know, there's only one person i want.

grant me this wish.

feebs.

2009-03-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

mood: blimey, its sunday.

swing swing in a run about: worn out down - RACHEAL YAMAGATA

after days at home, i realised that i had to do something.

for all i know.

when april seven comes, i have to do alot of things.

apart from birthdays, blimey.

i need to do something.

yes i need to do SHOPPING.

tripple dubs.

i need that immediately.

and i cant wait to go back to school.

yeah.

i just missed everyone in school.

moving on. :)

its a great sunday. dont forget not to waste it because it will be wasted if you dont spend it. so dont waste days like sundays when its worth spending on. seriouly.

blimey. maybe. its a nice day to fly kite!

feebs.

2009-03-25T22:44:00.000-07:00

mood: delighted to see.

singingringing: rocket - YUNA

people come and people go.

you came at the last minute.

got paid for nothing.

even if he goes away.

as if you dont want to move.

feeling that you are going to stay.

panic to safe me.

something in my mind.

waiting to define.

you dont want to move.

like the poster on the wall.

the day have been great.

i had a dream of dad the day before. of how he just roam in the house like normal when he was still alive. he doesnt talk nor he smile. he just looks at us doing our housework. he looks the same still. all fines lines and that sound from his stomach which i had missed so much the most. oh daddy, we all miss you very much. we all do. come to my dream again,please.

feebs.

2009-03-21T05:18:00.000-07:00

mood: mood, moody.

singerings: jager yoga - CSS

as i walked all the people that was around me, i realised how much i missed that one person who had been seven days gone. i realised how i didnt make use of the times we had together and held his hands as we walk. nor did we build up a conversation together. as i walked listening to the songs in my earpiece, it made me build emotions. it kept building and building. till, at the end, i had to let go right in front of you.

i do miss a father figure.

but i dont need one for a replacement.

i am fine without one.

cause there's no one can replace that position.

i always talked to you. thinking you are around me somehow. i walked like a small kid and run like one too. trying to think of nothing but free mind. i am already starting to miss you. how i would wake up smelling your perfume where you were getting ready to go to work. and i would not give you a kiss as i just woke up. i feel bad. now, there's no more kisses to share to you. i cant feel your moustache as it brush againt my cheeks. i would always imagine that.

everyday i write about you.

cos i miss you.

everytime i miss you.

i will write about you.

okays daddy.

i love you. and mummy too.

so, what did you do to saturday?

feebs.

2009-03-17T18:15:00.000-07:00

mood: :)

blabbering-sings: the sounds of love - MOTHER NATURE

hello.

its another day of living.

and i am not complaining nor whinning.

i just realised how much friends who cared for me and my family. thank you for visiting me and my family to see how well we are. your gratitude is unmeasurable. and i am very thankful for your kind care and concern. :)

i still couldnt get the fact in my head. yes i do miss my dad very much. i know he is still here in the house roaming and taking good care of us. looking for us for any misfortune. i sense him and i can feel him. dad, sometimes i fear but fear should be erased, right? yes, dad, i still see you in my mind and heart. we shouldnt cry for our loss, but we should be prayer whenever there's time which for sure there will. time for you all the way.

dad, on the 7th day, you can go.

we will take good care of mum.

no worries.

i know, you do worry sometimes.

but, its okays.

dad, i love you.

mum, told me something.

she is sad for me.

ever since i was brought to this world.

everything went not well.

with me by both your side.

everything was wipe off from us.

with dad losing his job when i as in primary sch.

we have to move to another small house.

with dad keep changing jobs to suit our needs.

with shortage of money that couldnt have enough to feed us.

i have to support myself through this age.

with dad having this sickness.

eventually, dad left.

i am never angry with both my parents. in fact, it is something Allah wants to show both of them. having a lot of money will lead us forgetting things that are our duties. with this all, it reminds us. it remind both my parents to pay more attention to me. not repeating their same old mistake they had potray to my borther and sister. i am thankful for that change. i am never angry. far from it. dad, i will continue to support myself. and be independent. :)

daddy, i love you.

feebs.

2009-03-15T03:04:00.000-07:00

mood: damp strict sad.

Ringing in the barriers: alfie - LILY ALLEN

i would like to thank everyone who have dropped by my house to pay a last visit to my beloved dad who just left yesterday. i pray for all the well-being that all of you had given the advice to me and i will for sure head all those advices to make the houshole more than what we have given. i will do my duty as a daughter and accompany my mum. i promise. people who left the advice, no worries, i will do what is right.

insyallah.

and for those who knew me, at least a little help would be helpful .

thank you.

to dad.

we would all miss you very very much. seeing you on the hospital bed, suffering on your breathing, it really does hurt me to see you like that. i prayed to Allah to take you back into his hands as soon as possible. its not that i dont wish you to be healthy like last time but i just dont wish to see you suffer like that. dad, on your last breathe, i was scared. scared that you will leave just like that. but i was strong enough to stand on my pair of legs and send you off. i know you are here reading this. and i know you are here around us.

dad, you were a good man. who never scold me nor beat me. i am thankful that you were there when i reall need your help. you were ready for your last daughter that you rarely spend time with. but i am not angry at you at all. in fact, i am thankful for all the little time we had spend together. dad, you were a great man whom made a lot of friends. alot came to send you off.

dad, i will always love you.

feebs.

2009-03-11T16:02:00.000-07:00

mood: i am still tired but thankful.
singing prayers: biar saja pergi - THE RAIN

i ran and ran and stop to a halt. only to realise that this was the place. everything looks so slow motion and every words spoken was like a robot in the head. i tried to settle myself down and sat next to the person i loved most. but everything looked so mooovvvvyyyy. i couldnt sit still till i drop my head and woke up.

dad.
i love you.
no matter what you have done.
i love you.
even though i may complain.
i love you.
all the times i am mad at you.
i love you.
sometimes secretly.
i love you.
dad.
i love you.
please stay strong.
i love you.
even though you are at war.
i love you.
come back with victory.
i love you.

dad. dont go. okays.

who will be there when i need a father's love?

dad.
im sorry.
i love you.

feebs.

2009-03-09T16:42:00.001-07:00

mood: tired, as ever.
living the ears: mother nature revising.

today was the scary. very scary, that i almost freak out.

dad had difficulty in breathing. and when he sleeps, he make weird noises to show its hard for him to breathe. its scary, when you are beside him to hear his breathing like that. its like somehow, its almost time. which we all are not ready. its hard to think the challenges that was thrown to us, my family.

i wish for another day where i could just stare at the ceiling.

will you come when everything starts to fall?
probably.

feebs.

2009-03-07T07:03:00.001-08:00

mood: fucked, i am tired.

dancing in the litso: all or nothing - THE SUBWAYS

i was looking forward for today. it was the day i was going to have fun, i think. i was happy and i couldnt wait for work to end. and when the clock strikes at 5pm, i was delayed. sheesh. and then made my way to my hippies groupies. was weird and funny.

what we did was amazing. just merely spending time laughing and little bit of dancing. ha ha. yeah, thanks to they all.

OASIS!

we are going to watch oasis. yeah yeah yeah! i cannot believe it as i it is unbelivable ah! hahaha. cnnt see the fact. first even. liam, liam, the very attitudal person. have fun and we will sing our hearts out! and again, thanks to nadiah. apart from that, i am catching KASIER CHIEF too. yeah! hahah. sing our hearts out together again. haha. i have been happy ever since there was nadiah and also saiful. wooo bush! :)

i am still taking of dad. today was the day i look forward to fun because i have not feeling it eversince. yeah. thank you allah. i pray dad will be healthy soon.

amin.

feebs.

2009-03-04T21:34:00.000-08:00

mood: itchy in the pantyhose.
damsel in lazy stress: hippy's son - DIRTY PRETTY THINGS

i am a hippy son.
taking the things from my father.
dancing in the living room.
not caring of what father might say.
i run around with his things.
and he caught me.
i stand starled thinking what to do.
and i smile saying ....

I CHARGE MY LOVE FOR YOU MY FATHER.

dang, i felt like i was in a hippy world. what would i do? gross, i am so out of my wisdom. for now, i feel so free willy. like nothing is going to happened. is it? oh no, i kept asking myself this question and now i forgotten the answer. what was the answer? may i asked. what is yours?

feebs.

2009-03-04T01:56:00.000-08:00

mood: strictly indecisive.
music lively: the fear - LILY ALLEN

i dont why i am feeling so lost nowadays. thinking i feel so free willingly spirited. like i have lost everything but yet there's a frown pulling my muscles upwards to make a smile. i feel like theres nothing happening in my life. its been just like that. kabush! taa-daa. i am in this life without any verbal reason or whatsoever. why? tell me i also dont even know.

everytime i hear a beat, i feel like dancing.

why?

cos its in my blood to start dancing like a maniac you never have seen.

want to see?

feebs.

2009-02-28T07:18:00.000-08:00

mood: quizically ill-feeling
musing around in lazy dress: masih cinta - KOTAK

its been two days straight. i have turned like a leave that needs to be feed with food that will entitle it with energy so it can sway here and there as the wind blow against. i have turn so restless that i am going to be like the dead leaves you saw on the floor and you just step on it. i am so tired that i cant even mumble my own name. i am restless.

are you?

today i had a really mind moving conversation with my brother. it was so true, that i have to nod my head in regards to agreeing to him. his conversation was . . .

you will have alot of friends whom you consider them as close friends. but when things as close as family member and mishaped happen upon them, they would turn you away apart from already informing them the situation. only true friends would offer their time and space to be there and encourage them to be strong. untrue friends just basically ignore and lead their life. like nothing is happening in your life. you see their true colours. and you know how to label them.

brother open up my eyes. and my dad's spirit open up everyone's heart. and my emotion, stay stagnant.

feebs.

2009-02-27T16:18:00.000-08:00

mood: dampens.
sing me alive: i will follow you into the dark - DEATH CAB FOR CUTIES

everyday when you woke up, you'll feel a sadness that was stuck inside the heart. little pieces of it hiding inside and doesnt wants to leave even how hard you shouted at it to leave. duely, you want to be smiling again like before. this sadness is too harsh to handle it just linger there with a reason. and you cant seem to wake up. linger in the heart for as long as you can handle but it sure made you roll with emotions. it will take alot of time to drive it out. one day, you will be reminded if this. one day. you will never forget it.

eversince we knew the results, everything have been going with no tune. no tune in our live, no tune in the house, no tune everywhere. basically, everyone is in tune with their emotions. but as for me, i have not waken up to the reality that there are emotions waiting for me at the other end. i believe harshly that nothing will ever happen.

but, what if it does happpen?

and i am afraid thats when i will realised that its already too late to even start feeling the emotions. i need help from someone who can wake me up from reality. this reality. to the world of emotions.

to dad: be strong and i love you. i deflect the song above to you.

feebs.

2009-02-26T04:15:00.000-08:00

mood: analistically.
song rumming: the fear - LILY ALLEN

a picture can speak a thousand of words. it amazes me how it actually does that. it speaks of different language and yet, you still understand it. and it makes the mind runs in a circus wheel that only it creates statements. amazements. it holds pressure memories. that sometimes its best to throw it away. and also its best to dispose it. correct me if i am wrong.

is that a good thing to do?

there have been alot of things going on in my life and i am wondering to myself. how did i manage to handle it. i cant say it if i manage it quite well. if i do say it means i am basically bullshitting to myself. i wonder why i am always thrown with all sorts of challenges in one night. with all kinds of things. sometimes i do want to ask the almighty the ultimate question. why? but i rather not to and accept the faith that had been given to me. but that wonder doesnt wash away from my head day to day.

i have always prayed for good things or better ends to happen to my family. but nothing is happening. probably i should just be patient. but patience can kill someones life. like mine. how i always pray things will fall into place right before everything started. i wish that some things will be back like how they used to. everything. everything that i had and it was swap taken at the same time.

why must i whine at the smallest things?

i wish my dad will be better after so long of treatments. and i wish i would be better to lead my own life. and this wishes wont come true. and for sure i will not have this wish.

pictures. it tells the past you had. like how you used to feel happy and so alive. but now, it have been taken and you suddenly fall flat on the floor.. nothing ti help you up. i dont know how or what happened. but all i know it hurts and it still linger in the heart. how hurtful it is to be treated like this. after this, you dont know what to do. either to curse that person or just be blunt about it. how was it like if it was you who was in my shoes.

like the past, it doesnt matter what we have done together. i dont know what else to do but pray you would realise one day that you had made a huge mistake. not only to me. but you know who is always watching over you.

be glad that nothing have been taken from you, yet. but better start doing something before you start losing it. apologise before its too late. and you wont live in a life full of regrets. start now rather than having your ego holding you up. for all i know, as my part, i would be here to help you through.

beat it.

feebs.

2009-02-23T01:49:00.000-08:00

i hate living like this.

its dumb.

2009-01-28T00:23:00.001-08:00

mood: strickly dumb headed.
strumminglings: buzzer of the day.

i realised something today when i woke up. how much someone really hated me and really wanted me out of their life. how much harsh words they have to give just to have the other person hurt. extremely hurt that the other person will get so mad and hate the person. how much this is a cycle.

but the real truth is, the person who was hurt couldnt get enough hurt. hurt for the moment and get back to loving that person secretly. this cycle doesnt help in anything. what can we do to heal someone who is so hurt that you cant seem to forget about the past that was full of meaning?

no idea.

for a moment, i wish i had an accident so i could forget about the past that had happened to me.

Don't feel sorry

'Cause there's no reason for us to fight any more
Tears are coming, and years are going
I hope we'll learn something

i prayed that you will see one day but for that one day to come, i have no hope.

xoxo
feebs.

2009-01-19T12:00:00.000-08:00

mood: bed shot the water spot.

sing-a-lingling: amnesia - BRITNEY SPEARS

i forgot my name. i forgot my number. i forgot my address.

damsel in distress.

we have long forgotten. the past that used to mean alot of things. for now, its meaningless. its hard to think itsall gone.

i love you.

xoxo

hugs and kisses,

feebs.

2009-01-10T00:31:00.000-08:00

mood: i dont know what or how to feel anymore.

strummingsings: Dr.Strangeluv - BLONDE REDHEAD

today is the day that i stood on a hill. with no one interrupting what is going on inside my mind. all the happenings that inside me. i had the time to myself. to think of what is going to happen in my life from now onwards. i cant stand on my two feets. as i had no support from anyone. i had utterly support from one person whom i cheerish very much. very much that it felt like i was hurt and betrayed.

thats the day, i was today.

aida and me. we had a great laugh and fun together. it was so fun and funny that only us can understand what is happening in our life. we did something that noone had ever done. no one even dare to do in fact.

what we did was we sat on a small hill directly outside NYP. and sat like its no one business at all. it was nice knowing that mr sun,miss wind and mr clouds would be there to be our guest and obviously entertain us too. we were two love worms laughing at how spastic we were. looking at people walking by and snapping their picture. it was indeed a nice thought to just sit there and gaze wherever that is around you.

we laugh we smile and we did what we were told. we giggle we gurgle and we jump. happiness was there for a moment but for sure other emotions were to come by again.

after that for sure, i had to rush home for dinner with borders colleages. since my team won, we had a free flow of food at Borders Bistro. we cracked we joked and we laugh at the same time. we danced we laugh and we tickle one another.

thats the snap shots we had while we ate, joke and smiled. we had joy, we had love and we had the food. it was a delighted outing that i didnt regret for going. it made me take things of my mine for the time being.

life resumed as usual right after. if you know what i mean.

to a friend who wasnt a foe, you did help me alot. thank you. especially during these times. when i am so sad and down. thank you.

as for you, i still love you. and i pray things will fall the way it is. humans deserve a second chance apart from the mistakes they make. making mistakes and also learning from it. if you are human, issue them a second ticket.

xoxo

hugs and kisses

feebs.

2009-01-07T16:00:00.000-08:00

mood: what i am today.

singingstummings: littlest thing - LILY ALLEN

The littlest things that take me there

I know it sounds lame but it’s so true

I know it’s not right but it seems unfair

That thing’s are reminding me of you

Sometimes I wish we could just pretend

Even if only for one weekend

i am going to screw myself big time. seriously, i am going to screw myself big time. seriously, time is not on my side.

di depan mata

aku sentiasa menamparkan senyuman

senyuman yang sungguh manis

di depan matamu

aku tersenyum gembira

tetaoi buat sesaat sahaja

setelah semuanya habis

aku pulang ke pangkuanku

ke dalam kehidupanku

yang tidakku tahu kemana arahnya

tiada disini atau disana

kemana harusku tujuh

berikan aku perjalanan

yang lurus dan benar

kebenaran yang inginkyu dengar

bye.

xoxo

hugs and kisses

feebs.

2008-12-31T13:51:00.000-08:00

i need help immediately. can you guys click on the link below and do my survey by end of the weekend?

THANK YOU.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=JBTTS4WF560LBRiVdS_2f8HA_3d_3d

Click Here to take survey

love love.

2008-12-29T19:41:00.001-08:00

mood: strip-a-looopa.
singstrings: silently - BLONDE REDHEAD

silently, i have been sitting and dreaming of you. dreading the time we had together. to see the future through our mouth together. quietly, i have been praying for good things to happen in the end. for all the thinking you have think and everything will be alright. to think that why we are in this together. dont think because it will just come by into your head.

dont be sad, dont be confused. dont be sad, dont be confused.

jealousy is a killer. killer diziller.

xoxo
hugs and kisses
feebs

2008-12-29T19:41:00.000-08:00

mood: shitte schenieger.

singing strummster: human - THE KILLERS

swinging in the sea of luaghter. tangle in the thoughts of life. cant get the real picture in my head. need to stample everything out. and set it right before the eyes. hate the thought of losing it. losing it, is never a chance. let it right before your eyes.

okays. it hurts to the point i cant stand it any more. it hurts till the moment i cant breathe a single air. it hurts to think that it really actually hurts. my, help me.

its period.

sometimes i hate to think that i kept repeating the same mistake over again. and you always not doing anything to the situation. why? i dont know. how can we stop making this mistake because it hurts me think that i kept repeating it again and again. and im sick of saying sorry for the thing that had been repeated again. stop me and shout at me.

hugs and kisses
XOXO
feebs.

2008-12-20T02:21:00.000-08:00

mood: shake the ting tangs off.
sing-a-ling-ling: friends - TRAVIS

i walked out. to see the sun shining brightly on me. it hurts me eyes. but it certainly doesnt hurt me internally. it shone strongly on me. what i can do next is just wear a pair of sunglass and walk against the sun. its not going to hurt me.

aloha, checkeritas. :)

today, is the day that i am 'alone' in singapore. my sally have gone to KL for some marriage ceremony. please come back safe and sound. and pictures too. oh wee, i want to run now. pretty please.

i just want to say i love you. i just want to say i love you. i just want to say i love you. i just want to say i love you. i just want to say i love you. i just want to say i love you. . . i love you.

dumb strike dumpster. phewww.

xoxo
hugs and kisses
feebs :)

2008-12-18T17:34:00.000-08:00

mood: deliberately happy

sing-me-to-sleep: everybody knows - JOHN LEGEND

just give one more try, try, try. one more try.

the day had been great for me. no more complains. because everything had fallen into place. and i'm glad that it had gone in the right direction. and i'm glad that you're still with me by my side. i thank you greatfully because without you, it would just be a one-man-show and it wouldnt be great to be acting alone in this soap opera. like they say,'it takes two to tango.'

so lets try. no, try is a wrong word. so lets go for it and have no regrets in the end. everything you do, is something new. something you never done and its thrilling too. euphoria. you will feel the highness. and then, you realised, there's nothing that can stop you. nothing and you keep going on and on.

tell me now. the answer.

will you regret for making the decision?

keep it to yourself.

oh, another entry of nothing-but-crap. and to hidayat, can i have your attention. its not like circa survive (i think) but i read too much book. haha. so things like this, inspire me to write crap. so you can conclude that the books that i read is mostly crap filling. ho ho ho.

oh to sally. thank you. and same here too. you know what i mean ehy. :)

blah, let me rest.

xoxo

hugs and kisses

feebs :)

2008-12-15T06:48:00.000-08:00

mood: justified-that-you-are-full

sing-along-with-the-dancers: quickly - JOHN LEGEND

see also leeza. leeza runs around ducking other people's window. not caring about what others may say about her. she just have this wonder in her. what's inside that window that other's in the world doesn't have. and that was the last window she ever saw because what she saw really changed her mindset and it made her wonder big time.

ka buush.

she wasnt prepapred for what to be held right before her dark eyes. it kept playing in her mind. the situation whereby she wasnt suppose to be there at all.

it was a real freak dream coming true.

sorry. i sometimes feel that my entry is full of shittes. sorry. i love you shitteless. sorry. i dont hate you at all. sorry. i just made a promise.

XOXO

hugs and kissses

feebs :) *kicks and love*

2008-12-14T05:31:00.000-08:00

mood: fully re-energized. BURP.

sing-a-ling-ling: everybody knows - JOHN LEGEND

being responsible is hard but to be held responsible is harder. so, how does humans deal with this responsibilities? wonder, yourself.

kittens are cute. but they hard to maintain. always seeking for attention. i wish i was like their mother with milk to feed. itsh hard to feed them without giving much attention or love. thats what kittens need. just like humans, they need love, attention and care from their mother. but the thing is, i am not their mother and neither are they my children. its hard, thats all i can tell you. but for all i know, i would not give up trying to hold this piece of resposibility to take care and nuture them just like how i will in the future with my children (if i am going to ever have one).

i will prove you wrong and i will get to meet princess inky.

boo hoo.

kittens are cute, barbie are cool.

why are you mute. because you just loose.

my entries. they are lived. love it. and we will rejoice.

i love you and inky.

hugs and kisses

XOXO

feebs.

2008-12-10T17:55:00.000-08:00

mood: majestically, ignorant.

plug in the boomer: love hurts - INCUBUS

i didnt know how much preparation i had to make in order to prepare for the day ahead of me. for the better or for the worst, i still have to be prepared for it. and i was indeed prepared.

ten days had gone by ever since i propose that post. ten days was full of ups and downs. ten days of not seeing you. ten days of not having any contact and it makes me think that i have lost you. ten days is very long.

and i made my ways to wait for you to ask me out. and i waited and waited. waited for the happiness too. after that ten days, i met you. during that ten days. i made myself think. of the possible and the impossible. all things had its consequences. i made to think that be it a worst or better things, i still have to put up a smile in my face. be it fake or not. i will still put it up because i am already prepapred for it.

i met you after that. i was scared something of the impossible will happen. i waited patiently for it. seeing your signs, it was a good sign but i remind myself not to fall for any of it. from good it goes to bad. so why must i? time pass by, nothing of that happens. i broke my silence. and told you, is it going to be a good day for the both of us? yes, indeed it was. right until you broke it to me. the news that i just smile right before you. i hate to think alot, it makes my head swing like the ferris wheel. its not worth it. so you told me.

what if i had a crush.

i just laughed. okays, so who was it. and i know right from the start, it wasnt a what if question but it was a question of truth. i can see from your expression and i can hear from your voice. i have to cool down and discuss about it. we do. and i am glad that you did.

be truthful. i appreciate the effort that you made. but hearing you keep saying the qualities she has, made me feel like shutting you up. but i just laugh right before you. i see theres no use to scream or shout at you. nor theres a use in getting mad at you. just smile and laugh along in this crowd. i will be there to listen to you and i will advice you time and again.

and again, i thank you for the small effort that you had chipped in.

by right, i still do love you. no matter.

hugs and kisses

XOXO

feebs.

2008-12-01T15:44:00.000-08:00

mood: who i am inside.

beeboot on the dancy: rite of spring - ANGELS AND AIRWAVES

all i wish for. is to rock and roll. and to the past. where the love was real. living a harmless life. and the world is mine.

hellos.

i am going to continue my story of sally.

he he. bapok i know you are excited. get ready. ready. set. jump.

i have not been revealing sally that much. sally is not a girl by the way. and i am not a lesbian. even though the trend is in but oh wells. sally is a petname given from me to he he he: salihin zainal.

basically, he is the happiness i have found bla bla bla. get to the point.

he's the love of the everything.

he's the smiles of the everything.

he's the justice of everything.

he's the person of everything.

he's the emotions of everything.

he's the playmate of everything.

he's the lover of mine. captured.

and yes, i love sally.

thats sally. and thats me. he calls me durps. and i calls him sallys.

through the clouds, we play, we hide, we seek. and catch one another through happiness and all the smiles on the faces. CAPTURED. i got you now.

all i have to do is spend time and be merry happy.

thank you. if you (sallys) is reading which i think is impossible, i want to dedicate this post to you.

here i am. alive. felt never so alive. because we held hands and hug like never before. so tight so secure. and i love the warmth emmitting, to know that you are alive rather than imagining that you arent. never thought it would be for real. and you came forward to held my hands and a peck on the forehead. a hug. and kiss. we will see soon.

oh cut the craps. but it isnt crap. but its all lovey-dovey. ha ha ha.

remember. fcking love you.

XOXO

feebs

hugs and kisses.

2008-12-01T06:31:00.000-08:00

mood: strip-a-lickee

strummingsing: i love you ? - MY AIDA SING.

when i run, i realised that i am running freely. without anyone to stop me. without anything to bother me. without no one. no one but myself in my own world.

ohhh weez. kitty. kitty. kitty.

that's INKY.

sally's kitty. the one and only whom i get jealous with. and basically. iloveher. even though i never met her before. hehe. inky, she's the sweetest thing. she's the reason why i want to get a kitty as a house partner. she just so adorable. isnt she?

inky sayang, mari main kuching. okays?

i am going to hunt another inky. okays sally.

xoxo

feebs

hugs and kisses :)

2008-11-29T17:40:00.000-08:00

mood: howasundaymorningfeelingshouldfeel. WEE?

straummingsingsongsingzxzx: misery business - PARAMORE

its sunday. shouldnt we rejoice? for the new week of the last day of november. remember remember the 5th of november. whats on the 5th of november?

let me tell you.

i dont know. a terrorist attack.

when i hngry, i am angry. i woke up hngry. and mummy invited me to breakfast at macdonalds. with daddy who is not really well. everyone have not been well this few days. myself - i have been visiting every kind of doctors for the whole week. a year of not getting sick, now its getting back at me. sick for a week. gracious me. i need something to cure me, and make it fast. i cant afford to keep taking MC from work and school everytime. it hurts me to hear they saying i am under the category of CannotMakeIt. :( what to do? the sickness is already here to stay. so sad.

i want to be well and i want to be earning money. i dont wish to be always MC from work. i dont wish to. please. get me far away from any kind of sickness. i just need to be healthy and running again.

today, i am going to visit the dentist and maybe pull my teeth outz. it hurts like christmas getting pulled away. i cant take the pain anymore. seriously. been complaining to zarinah for days of the pain. geeeee.... i dont wish to mc anymore. my last of mc. please. allah, please make me a healthy and happy and also strong person to endure this period of full stress and retardation. amin.

i missed kathryn. i just mailed her. hopefully i will get a reply back soon from her. man, i need to raise a fund. SAVE KAYE FROM GARP. she really need to come back to singapore soon! soon or ever. :)

my sweet loving, i am going to dentist. i will update as soon as possible.

byebye the last day of november. i will see you next year on the same timing (hopefully). you are the day that i met the dentist and would never ever come back again. dentist scares me to hell.

mySALLY: sorry for that misery, listening to much to paramore. thats where i got the idea of getting always misered. oh ways, i am happy now. be happy for me and please be a good influenced towards me. ha ha. i mean please help me through when i really need a hand to pull me and not step on me and make me even sadder then ever. you sucker. i love you very much even though you hurt me (in unseenable conditions) lots of times.

XOXO

hugs and kisses

feebs.

♥ Dory Goodbyes ♥

2008-11-27T02:47:00.000-08:00

maybe this is my last goodbye.
goodbye.
i love you.

♥ Dory Understands YOU ♥

2008-11-21T15:15:00.000-08:00

mood: diseased. thankful.

strummingsing: i've underestimate my charm - BLACK KIDS

pictures. its a world through plastic. plastic.

now i realised. that i've gotten to understand you through my understanding from a friend of mine whom i think i owe alot to. whom been there when i have alot of questions to ask. been there when i am all alone. been there as what a friend would do.

i would say all my gratitude to you. thank you.

through your help, i am now able to understand my sally and now wonder why nor worry about it anymore. thanks so much. i dont know what i would do without a friend who can help out. without your help, i think i would go bonkers and never get married in the future. or better, turn into a lesbian and find ellen lookalike. i prayed that such thing wont happened. it would change my mindset terribly.

thanks you. i bare with your always self-proclaiming.

oh wee, i love sally. for who you have to be and for whom you have to be right now. i know. jump for the opportunity to understand and know one and another. dont wait because waiting can kill.

xoxo

feebs.

♥ Dory Whisper Birthday Song ♥

2008-11-21T15:07:00.000-08:00

mood: stropppppeeee-loops.

strumingsingssinglys: i'm making eyes on you - BLACK KIDS

after so long after that meeting, we realise how much we miss that person. till you can shout and cry at the same time. to be happy and delighted to meet them and spend time merely a few minutes with them. it was nice.

20th November. a date to remember. for me, for you, and those pampered ones.

i thank you (sakinah, shahreen, sharmine, yusoff & faris) for making it happened.

i was delighted to meet you all again after months of not seeing one another. gee, we really have alot to catch up. especially the laughter and the jokes that never seems to die or get old in our own ears and minds. we will meet soon enough to continue our laughter of irritation and make love together through friendship that never ends.

note to see (better): thank you my love. for the mini BOOOO. seriously, i didnt expect to see others to be there surprising me also. oh weeee, i love you allllll.

xoxo

feebs. XD

♥ Dory Rejoice Friendship ♥

2008-11-19T14:42:00.000-08:00

mood: T-I-R-E-D. god, come and take me.

strumminglingsings: tell me what to do - METRO STATION

i realised something. when i woke up, i have my own life to live and not depend on others to live it. i realised. realised. realised that you only have two friends to fall back on.

lanxi and amalina. my two best girl friends ever at work. basically, yes they are the two whom i always fall back when there is a problem which come hunting me. gee, i hate you problem. or should i start loving you so you can be more gentle and love me to?

lanxi: she's my aka aunty. but i still call her aunty no matter what. oh man. i really goes back to how we became close friends. it started out as just a talk and leads to other things. i am happy to have her as my best girlfriends because she really listens and give advices that are worth listening. you know people are sometimes very stubborn to listen. so they wont listen at all. basically, lanxi is also hyper most of the times. so she is a happy problem solver and shoves her happiness in and go crazy wild especially when she is hungry. thats the part where we all must be careful. anyways, no matter what, i still love lanxi just like how she is.

amalina: i think we are close with one another due to this particular person whom we both hate so very much. if possible, we want to do a voodoo on him. right ama? oh wells, amalina, my greatest gift ever. was so happy to have her as one of my best girlfriends whom i can gorge food with, travel with and also cry with. she is all ears. and she will always give words of encouragement when i am down. thanks amalina. we can go crazy all together. i want to if you want. amalina, she's just being the amalina factor.

both girls. no comparison. they are different at some points. but they are the same. which is they are my best girlfriends ever had in work. they are there when you need to spill your hearts out. i am happy that i have someone to fall back on. i am glad that things are like this. and allah made me found you guys and marked you two as my best girlfriends. thanks you. i love you too so much.

break it or leave it. you have two choices. accept it.

xoxo

feebs.

♥ Dory Dances ♥

2008-11-16T15:20:00.000-08:00

mood: tranquility is preserved.
strummingsings: llyod, i am ready to be heartbroken - CAMERA OBSCURA

we will see all the stars and moon up above everything that is presented in the night sky. and we will sing our sorrows together so we will chase them away and threat them not to come again. dangs!

oh my. on saturday. the day i celebrated my birthday with my borders friend. it was extremely awesome. =) and fun too. come on. to think of it, it was fantastic. but not as fantastic as the dinner i had with sally. ha ha ha. oh anyways, we had a night full of camwhoring around the city area and obviously the whole night out of games and eating. yummy! but wasnt feeling that great also on that particular night. but oh wells, i dont want tummyache. boo-hoo.

we danced. we ran. we smiled. we sing. we put on silly faces. we did everything that lead us to bleed our hearts out. we did it. we did it!

great livings to daddy. i hope you will be fine in that room that everyone is afraid of. pray okays. i have to pray for you. and i will pray for you. as promised. i love you daddy.

the day they played. the played on a field full of greenery. and they jumped for what seems to be joy. such a joyous day that everyone smiled.

xoxo

feebs. ILOVEYOU.

♥ Dory Celebrates ♥

2008-11-15T21:05:00.000-08:00

mood: t-doos. i am a nutcracker.

strummingsings: lost - KATY PERRY

when i woke up, i realised i am aging. aging a year older. forward towards the reality that beholds me. nothing but the reality that each lives goes through and never dwell on it. when i woke up, its 12th November and i am eighteen. (should i jump for joy?)

yes, i didnt post anything on the day of my birthday. i was partially happy but i know something beholds beneath that partially happiness. because i realised it wont be as happy as i would be. i was i was i was .... clueless.

people wished me. i love you all. especially those who stayed up to wish. just like sally and amalina who stayed till 12midnight to be the first to wish me. thanks so much love. you made me sleep in peace. peace i say! and the day goes on with people from school and also friends from borders wishing me. i am so grateful to have you all. and definitely, someone whom i didnt know. you know who i am talking amalina. hahas. thanks so much larrs!

okays. enough. i love you people for celebrating my enjoyment with you. and sally you, dinner. thanks so much.

SWATCH WATCH: desperate time calls for desperate measures. thanks my dear 'family members' from borders. from my grandpa, aunty and sister. basically from amalina, farhan and lanxi. thank you so much for the watch! i mean seriously. i am showing the clue too much right about my watch being not in good condition. hahahs. seriously. thanks so much!!! you took it in! =)

ENGLAND LANDSCAPE: this is an honour. seriously an honour. i got the first painting of LANXI (aunty). thanks so much. my god, i was shocked to see this painting inside the bag. hahas. i wish, i get more of it for FREE. yes i know, i am a cheapskate. tee-hee. but i love the scenery you drew out. its a landscape from england. thank you. i am honoured and its being displayed on my study table as i promised. =)

FISHEYE CAMERA: this is an honour. second honour. hahas. i didnt knew i would get a camera for my birthday!!! from amalina, aisyah, nadiah, maya, amirah and hilmi! my god. i was excited to get it. cant believe it. was jumping for joy when i open it from amalina's locker. cant believe it. hahas. now i can capture my great moments with this camera which is my second honour. thanks so much you lovelies. love it!

VICTORIA SECRET PERFUME: my aunty idah gave me this. yeah. it was great to have this perfume from her. didnt expect she would give me this. mainly because i am close to her daughter which looks like me. hahas. thanks aunty idah. i shall spray your perfume on me so i would remember what you have did for all the great things to our family. love you aunty idah.

FOX BLOUSE: hahas. this is from my dear mates from school and i like it alot larrsss!!!! its from aida, peiseen, jiaying and shirlyn. thanks so much. i wore it like most of the times already because its nice and something what i would be comfortable. you girls made me look great in this. hahas. another time another one. thanks again for all you gave.

PINK FURRY CAT: meow. i have a new kitty now. thanks to chris who really want to get me a real cat apart from my joking tone. hahas. thanks so much. i really love the cat and i am naming her SALLY DURPS. how cute. i slept with her everynight. just like how a cat would want it. meow, sally dont be jealous.

DRAWING OF ME: this is my third honour! its from shahrul. my dear friend graduated from nafa. dude you do have talents larrs! great sia! hahas. oh wells, was shocked to hear him say i got something from you. hahas. and i do deserve this dont i? weeee! it would be a great possibility to have your drawing to be on my study table besides lanxi's drawing. great living people. thanks alot dude!

HANDMADE PHOTOFRAME: my honouration. this is from kak zafirah (sally's sister). thanks for remembering the most important day of my life. you were so sweet to even write me a note. unlike sally. huh! hahas. okays. i am so gonna put a picture onto that frame. what picture shall i put sally? sally help me in this man!

CK WRIST WATCH: awwwwww, baby you are so sweet. i really thought you are gonna put money into my bank! hahas, okays. this is from my sweet love sally. thanks so much for the watch. i was shocked to see its a watch. do you get my clue also for a new pair of watch? tee-hee. you people are so noticable and i should be lucky arent i? thank you for the watch. its nice and i love it really much. thanks you. now you made me honour watched and never make it scratched. sheesh. i love you!

overall, i love all the presents i was presented with.

last but not least. thank you mummy, daddy, brother and sister. thanks for wishing me. i thought you all totally forgotten about my 18th birthday. especially daddy. i hope you will grow healthy and not think of the negatives. mummy, be strong and we will be your pillar. brother, thanks for the $100 cold hard cash! and sister, you bitch. you almost forgotten about my birthday!

amidst the happiness. there also others who forgotten about this date. my bestfriend for 5 years and running. he forgot to wish me. and i am sad to know he didnt know it was my birthday. dang, you are a bitch but no matter what, you're still my buddy for life. =)

and mr hidayat. you owe me a birthday meal. like you promised. and sorry to make you worry for not replying your messages. hahahs. dude, birthday girl got tired and slept like a pigggy!!! hahas.

to all who wished, thank you. and i love you. and for you sally, deep down you rock really. looking forward for happy days!!! =)

happy belated birthday.

it will never end here. it continues.

xoxo

feebs. =)

♥ Dory Advisory Day (II) ♥

2008-11-10T14:09:00.000-08:00

moodsy: cranky. its early morning.
dancingfeetos: my so called life - DANIEL POWTER

when i woke up this morning, i realised something. something so harsh, it can bring us all down at once and we wont dare to take a look back as making the same mistake twice would kill the hope in each one of us.

tuesday. sexy tuesday.

blogging in the monrning? what is wrong? nothing. nothing is wrong. just that i am receiving the learning point of my life and told to make good use out of it. dont be leaving in a life full of regrets. but live a life full of happiness cos you never know when you might just go just like that. it hurts to see yourself go neither is seeing your loved ones. it hurts terribly and its unimaginable. ouch. hurts.

i know how it feels to be left by your most upmost loved ones. i've been there and seen the emotions on their faces. imagine one of your best friend. who was always happy and smiling. one day to see her crying claiming that her mum just pass away. how would you feel? of course the same feeling. sadness. but the sadness that you are experiencing is nothing compared to hers. but to see that sadness emotion on her face. it really hurts you. tear you apart. and from then, you started to learn something so valuable. so valuable inside that it made you realised that there's nothing you can compare.

the love for your parents. they are different as compared to the love for your friends. love for parents, its very fragile because parents are getting old each day thus their feelings too get fragile. you have to take care of their feelings and never hurt them. if you do, apologize immediately because the feeling of hurt that is kept inside their heart may build and make them sick. just being sick is nothing you need. being sick may lead one thing to another.

sick.

its the point of time when you realised something. something that will change the view, life, situation, behaviour and emotions. basically, you cant control any of these. its not your rights to control them. when a person gets sick, then thats your turning point of your life. you just started to realised them by a fraction. and you start to give and take and start changing the situation. you cant have things as compared to last time. nothing is comparable in life. nothing of such. so what's the next step in life?

there's more. and you can start to brainstorm. dont stop there. its not worth it.

move forward and fight it. fight like how you would if its yours to be.

xoxo

feebs.

♥ Dory Advisory Day ♥

2008-11-06T01:15:00.000-08:00

mood: bla bla bla.

strummungsingsolo: i am not going to teach your boyfriend to dance - BLACK KIDS

you are the boy. i have been dreaming of ever since i was a little girl. one, smile at you. two, grab your attention. three, dance with you.

dance dance dance !!!

how to grab that attraction back.

- do silly things.

- revamp yourself.

- pretend to be happy.

- smile and laugh sarcastically.

- be numb as ever.

- bla bla bla is your reply.

- just stare blankly at their face when anyone ask you a question.

- bangbangbang. ask your friend to bring a gun.

- be merry happy in the end.

there you have it. i for sure you that you will grab their attention. promise with guarantteeeee!

dance dance dance dance dance dance dance dance dance dance dance dance!

oh yeah, just cut myself.

xoxo

feebs X<

♥ Dory Break Dawn ♥

2008-11-02T15:09:00.000-08:00

mood: can i stop feeling the same feelings every single day?!

strummingrings: heartbreaker - WILL.I.AM

beaches streams swans trees green patches clouds blue skies waterfall rain droplets air flower sunshine sun beams. mother nature. my only heal of illness.

break down. i hate.

revamp me and i will attract you.

boo.

you ready?

fucked die.

xoxo

feebs.

♥ Dory Cramp Attack ♥

2008-11-01T02:11:00.000-07:00

mood: disgusted livingless.
strummingsings:

basically, me and you. sitting strovely. oh why oh why. why must we. stare at one another. and never listen to one another. making hearts angry and brain bursting.

oh wells, another bad week. my god. can i stop having another bad weeks? i am not asking for it seriously. unless i forgotten i have ask for it. have i? i wonder myself too. oh wells, i am just a human. with feelings though. and i am not perfect. what can i do right. life is a bitch. thats my common line for this past few days. i need a gateaway. and we shouldnt have cancel our KL trip. cause that is what i needed practically now. and i really need that.

bitch. sorry am i.

love you. never say i die.

die.

xoxo
feebs. :(

♥ Dory ♥

2008-10-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

is it wrong?

why cant you just shower me with your attention?
why?
i am just asking a simple question to why you cant?
cant be like last time.
cant be like last time.
cant be like last time.
it tears me up.
seeing you like that.
disappointing me all the time.
t hurts to see it.
the it, the smile.
not thrown to me.
but to others.
on how i hear that joyful laughter of yours.
i wish i could shut you up.
but i cant.
i hate to do this
.but i must do this.
its the only way i can capture your eyes.
without that you think everything is alright.
rough rough rough.
i cant seem to take it sometimes.
hate myself for letting it go.
why why why?
why do you have to be like this?
i dont wish to but looks like i got to.
do i have a choice?
is it wrong?
isit wrong?
is it?
ask yourself.

life is a bitch sometimes.

xoxo
feebs =(

♥ Dory Black Book ♥

2008-10-25T04:29:00.000-07:00

the naughtiest kid ever.

it takes the thought to make a word. it takes the word to make an action. it takes an action to make a smile. it takes a smile to make a day. its takes the night to morning. it takes, it takes, it takes.

hillman and khaizuran. my dear cousins whom my mother had been taking care eversince they were born. now they are well breed and are growing tall and skinny. hahas. actually i have no idea why i am posting about them. its just that they made an impact to my life and i really love this two kiddos really much. taking care of them have been the most challenging game. kids, they are so mischeivious and so so, argh. you get what i mean. but they are also adorable at the same time. kids. you've been there and i too.

oh, mister. you are so busy nowadays. but i'll understand that okays. i will no matter what. i am still waiting on the other hand patiently if i could. waiting. thats the thing. i love you my sally. my sally. my sally with arm pit smelly. (actually it doesnt. i just use it cause it rhymes.) for me not to miss you, i tried alot of things but it didnt work at all. sucks. i know. you should be in my shoe.

i love you. silly you.

xoxo

FEEBS XD

hugs and kisses

♥ Dory ♥

2008-10-24T09:13:00.000-07:00

mood: down down down the drain it goes.

jumoing heart beats: you are - ESTELLE FEAT JOHN LEGEND

remember. the happy times we had. remember. the smiles we had. remember. the look we had. remember. the everything we had.

hey. do you remember. the first time we met? i still remember it clearly. clear as water. oh my. oh my. what happened? oh my. i am such a loser. oh my. someone save me.

i miss you. thats all. kill me if you want to so i could at least try my best not to miss you so much. sorry. i think i just killed myself.

hate me. love me. emotions sucks.

xoxo

feebs. X(

♥ Dory Germs Attack ♥

2008-10-19T05:06:00.001-07:00

mood: sicked like a vampire

strumming the strings: mercury - BLOC PARTY

my dear, you are such a lullaby. the kids are adorable. playing here and there. running all over the playground. so adorable and intelligent too.

realised havent been blogging. been busy with school and also work and also people coming over to house. well, almost i shall say. oh wells. hahas. i love being involved around people especially small kids. love to see them giggle when you tickle them. adorable. wee haa!

oh yeah. yesterday had a mini open house caterring only to friends of the children (which is US). nyehehehe. so i invited sally over. was very very awkward. hahas. so yeah, sally met my family. so funny. i hope they had a good impression over sally. sally looks relaxed and everything. though sally must be more open and talk more. sorry sally. i know how you feel. if i were you, i would also felt the same way too. okays?! hahas. but its was nice of you to take care of me yesterday. sending me off to the doctors.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

you really do got guts cause you got balls. nyehehe!

uh huh. i am sick. like a baby. i am drowsy. help me. okays. got duit raya. yeah. happy.

events happened:

- airport to send off aunt to dubai

- school reopen

- dine in at swensens

- restart work again and got sick on first day

- sat in uncle zainal's new car *sweeeet*

anyways, sally, thanks for accompanying me yesterday. and also thanks for being there when i need you the most. and most importantly, thanks for being my man.

oh wells.

xoxo

feebs XD

♥ Dory (Emotional Breakdown) ♥

2008-10-10T05:33:00.000-07:00

mood: fucked up

song strumming: coin operated boy - THE DRESDEN DOLLS

why are you so quiet? why cant you just voice out your views? why are you voicing it out in emotions rather than words? you, sore loser.

yesterday, lanxifarhanamalinkathrynandmyself went out all to harbourfront. it was a fun day of just eating and walking and also irritation. it was also a nice day of taking pictures with polaroid. nice one lanxi. so we dine in indonesian style and then at night we dine in morrocan style. it was nice to have fun just like that. it was lanxi farwell dinner. off to UK today.

oh wells, i dont understand my mother. she just so emotional and i hate it. alot.

i love you lanxi. i am so gonna miss you so much. please take care okays. =)

i will drown myself with pills. bang bang!

xoxo

feebs =X

♥ Dory Events Wall ♥

2008-10-06T18:31:00.000-07:00

mood: whopidoo whopidee? yes yes.

strumming the guitars: commercial breakdown - THE SUNSHINES UNDERGROUND

so i tell my problem. you will never get me. cause you're too busy. social concious.

i realised something. i havent been updating. hahahs! oooweeehh!

so here are the events.

- selamat hari raya

- work like a shittes ass leaves

- outing with sally

- trip to the hospital

- salvating my ass in borders for soild 3 hours

upcoming events.

- school reopens. =) / =(

- more outings with sally

- hari raya outing

- lanxi farwell dinner

- borders staff day

i cant wait. cant wait for things to happen! haha. yeah yeahs. sally. i love you.

xoxo

feebs. +)

♥ Dory Panic Attackx ♥

2008-09-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

mood: in no mood for the festival.
dancing crews: secret admirer - MOCCA

i wish i was a back way into the kiddos. where i am all excited to play with the fire crackers together with childhood mates.

this year. 2008. i, nurfilzah binte mohamed razib, have totally lost her hari raya mood. where did it go? thats a question that i ought to actually ask myself. i have no idea why. oh help me. i have the need to feel this actually. i really really do need it. its one and half more days to hari raya. i am terribly not prepared for it. i have not bought heels, brooch, bags. where do i find all the time i need? oh god. i need to clean my room!

i need a helper. just like santa's helper. sally, do you wish to help me too? please. come. and help me. you will get a great and exciting reward. which is ..... ME! (ha ha ha ha ha)

harry and sally. thats a new name. i am harry.
hi.
hello.

twist me around.

i know. that time. was the time i made a great fun out of it. i know how it actually feels like. seriously. =)

xoxo
feebs. -__-

♥ Dory Dumb Dumb ♥

2008-09-27T22:32:00.000-07:00

mood: swing me to psychedellic land.

jumping beats: blaring of the air-condition. *noisy*

hey greetings. earthlings. bapoks.

today is sunday. sunday is today.

i am bored to the tears of the mother nature. oh someone please help me. help me from me drowning in this hole. oppsy.

okays, basically, i dont know what i am typing but all i know is its sunday. and i am sick of doing closing and stuffs and i just basically hate it. hate it. i am so sleepy man!

zzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzz.........

wake me up when everything is done. or better. wake me up when i am already 26 years old. just the right age to get married and have a great life. ha ha ha. yeah right!

so i was wondering what i wanna do with my life right now. what to do and achieve before i actually settle down at 26 as planned.

- three years of poly. (17 years old)

- graduate from poly. (20 years old)

- proceed to further studies in NAFA. that will be another three years. (23 years old)

- work and earn money before 26 years old. that will be great.

- study in university. (25 years old)

- work and marry?

i am thinking far. i am just wondering if i still have the guts to go for it. hahas. oh help me. =)

where is sally?!

xoxo.

feebs. =)

♥ Dory Symphony ♥

2008-09-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

mood: happy sicklo. *dangdang*

dancing to the blast off: some indian music across the room.

singing to a lullaby. sleep with me. dance with me. be mesmerize along with me okayys.

yesterday, my cousins went to dubai to meet their parents who are working there. so nice of that. and they are celebrating hari raya there. my main purpose was to go along with them also. but too bad, my dear mother didnt allow me to go along with them. hurr hurr. so yeah, they will be back on the 11th october and we will all be going on your jalan raya all together. yeahs. awesome! raya this year will (hopefully) be different in a way or another. =) cant wait and i am so looking forward to it.

popeyed. awesome. i am gald that everything was fine overall. glad that there's no harm done to the people whom i love too dearly. am happy that we all can go off together when we head out all together. happy that everyone is happy. yahoo. this is coming to a great week and a great life.

yeah. i am trying my really best to be hyper about hari raya. oh please. lets be happy about it! selamat hari raya.

hi sally.

bye sally.

sally is someone.

xoxo

feebs. XD

♥ Dory Story ♥

2008-09-24T07:29:00.000-07:00

mood: hippie yeahs.

yippie yippie dance: roslan banging his crap off.

its wednesday. i am dedicating my wednesday to write a psychedellic story. are you ready to read it? i know of a fan. BAPOK. will read it. yeahs. going LOCAL.

here it goes . . .

there's sally. sally just entered the tertiary education making close accquiantance with the only malay girl in the class, aida. being the only two malays in the class brought them into close relations that no one had ever seen. best friends. BFF. share every single thing down to the colour of their panties and the noise of their pee. weird friends but never losing it.

one day, sally was checking her friendster as usual. when she clicked on 'people whom viewd you' (a regular habit), she saw someone from school. this guy who was in the school's floorball team. so, instead of being an ignorant in the ass, she send a msg to the guy whose name she got to know was hadi. so they became quite close friends always asking help from him. basically, sally asked him for help due to her detoriate studies that are going down slopping.

one of the days, she was doing her project in the library and coincidentally hadi was there and he was with a friend. a friend whom was not in the chair. gone somewhere, she guessed. she was

along with hykel. who was also doing the same project. while she was watching this metalcore music video inside hadi's laptop, hadi's friend popped by and sat at his place. while they were watching the music video, sally cant concentrate on watching because she was simply nervous and happy to see such a fine looking young man right before her eyes. something in her seventeen years of life that had never ever happened. she was uneasy in her chair and so was everything around her. she just couldnt get back to what she was doing earlier.

looks like i found LAFS. but could it? oh wells, dont jump into conclusion.

thats a series of part one. and more to come. stay tune okays. especially BAPOK. cos i know you wanna know who is this mysterious sally (not in the story though). hahas. yes yes. be entertained okays.

and sally. ithinkyouare.

bleargh.

xoxo

FEEBS. XD

♥ Dory Miss ♥

2008-09-23T14:27:00.000-07:00

moood: swinging. my tummy growling.

dancing beats: air con swinging.

bono, this is awesome. what did you do?

hello earthlings.

yes yes. its a wednesday morning. morning. trying to update what happened here. ohh wee. lets see . . .

- when out on a date with sally. thats nice for a change.

- was bodyslammed by izzah at kids section.

- bought new bottle, gift from sally, i think. (thank you so very much)

- fried wantan for sally since sally bragged for it and wants more of it.

- going to bed without talking to sally at all cos sally slept the night though.

thats what happened. and today shall be another exciting day. i hope. hahas. oh wells, i will be dancing all the way through though.

and i realised that this friday dinner, i am unable to proceed. because my dear favourite and close cousin is going off to dubai!!! hurr hurr. byebye kak juju, kak eb and abang syafiq. i will see you all in one week time. and the very next day, maya will be going off to UK. hurr hurr. maya our teh tariks!!! dont go without teh tariks!!!

i will miss you all. and i will miss sally too.

oh actually bono. its magic. bang!

xoxo

FEEBS. XD

♥ Dory Danced With You ♥

2008-09-22T18:51:00.000-07:00

mood: doddles-doddly. yippee!

dancing move: silently - BLONDEREDHEADS.

quote of the day: YOU LOOK LIKE A GEISHA WITH DISEASE.

whoopiii. 2oth September 2008.

the most memorable day ever. we had fun we had laugh we had summer in our hands. it was the september babies suprise party.

SURPRISE!!!

are you surprised? hahas. well, i have been pretending all day and boom. a surprise for all the three people. hahas. i like the look on your faces. buahahas. anyways, yes yes. we had dinner, dessert, laugh, smiles and everything nice. and i love you all. sorry didnt get any presents. sorry baby. but this is my present to you. i hope you lovlies love it all okays?!

i love you all.

meeting sally. 10.01am. yes.

xoxo

feebs.XD

♥ Dory Adorable Toys (2) ♥

2008-09-21T23:34:00.001-07:00

mood: tired killed me.

sleeping away: biarlah - NIDJI

i just changed. everything. due to some complaints. urgh.

but thanks. i gotta too.

i love you. deeply.

xoxo

feebs. XD

♥ Dory Adorable Toys ♥

2008-09-17T21:10:00.000-07:00

mood: happy delighted
songs strumming: because - DANA FUCHS BAND

i LOVE YOU.

sally.
sally.
sally.

my friends. my aida. my lovelies. my farties. my family. my pet animal. my borders. my polytechnic. my life.

byebye.

xoxo
feebs.

♥ Dory Loves Sally ♥

2008-09-15T07:52:00.000-07:00

mood: being cared and loved.
mimicking who: all my loving - JIM STURGEES

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you
Tomorrow I'll miss you
Remember I'll always be true.
And then while I'm away
I'll write home ev'ry day
And I'll send all my loving to you.
I'll pretend
That I'm kissing the lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true.
And then while I'm away
I'll write home ev'ry day
And I'll send all my loving to you.

dont be sad nor frustrated with the little thought you had in mind. dont be. be a great person by telling and sharing it to me. i will be your listening ear and i will hear earnestly. no matter how long the stories goes or how boring the story might turn out. no worries. i will be there standing there listening. no matter there holding your hand not letting go. okays?

i am your darling. i am the only one who affect you. emotionally and expressionally. no matter what. i will bring up your thin line on your face to curve upwards into a smile so irresistable.

XOXO

hugs and kisses

FEEBS. XD

♥ Dory Loves ♥

2008-09-09T18:27:00.000-07:00

mood: doddles fooddles

dancing feets: gossip girls - NEVER BE MARCURSED

pay's in. what shall i do with it? damn it. i am super confused. hurr hurr.

earthlings.

greetings.

dumped with work all day. yeah, its great to be making money! yahoo. oh wells. thats life. anyways, had a great day working yesterday along with amalina, hazlinda, saiful (my big bad brother), hadi, izzah, nadiah and some great oldies. hahas. was great to just crap and laugh around in the pantry during break. and its even better with amalina and hazlinda to actually joke around.

day been fine. really.

just some major happening at home.

iPhone is nice. touched it, rape it and molested it when my aunt was here. hahas. oh wells.

never seen sally for quite sometime. starting to think alot already. darn. am i neglecting sally? i think i am. darn. no can do.

i will buy all the wonders in the world with that pay of mine.

XOXO

hugs and kisses

FEEBS. XD *imissyou*

♥ Dory HAHAS ♥

2008-09-05T07:00:00.000-07:00

mood: across the universe

dancing feets: i want to hold your hand - THE BEATLES

when i say that something, i want to hold your hand. i want to hold your hand. i want to hold your hand.

i just got my pay today. awesome! yeah. i just bought two books from the book fair in expo today. awesome! sicked. bang bang! oh wells, its a bookworm for me also. all year around. wee.

i will recommend you ... ACROSS THE UNIVERSE. for all the beatles fan. the show, is awesome. great lyrics from them too. weeee, thanks amalina for lending me the show. its awesome!

since i got my pay, i wanna buy myself a manhattan portage backpack. yeah! i wanna buy that bag above. yeah. hahs. but sadly singapore dont really sell it all. sucks. no fun.

oh man. i am holding your hand.

XOXO

hugs and kisses

FEEBS XD * iLOVEyou*

♥ Dory Imagines ♥

2008-08-31T22:34:00.000-07:00

mood: happy. relived. XD

dancing ferocious feet: heartbreaker - WILL.I.AM FEAT CHERYL COLE

black or white? or black and white? come on which one?! my head is spinning already. yurgh?!

so, its monday. 1st september of everything. hello september. and yes, its the first day of fasting. happy fasting yall. yippie. thats the best thing. the best moment to get skinny in the cheapest way. no money is OUT! yeahs. okays. its monday. monday blues?

well, been thinking. i wanna revamp my room. to something much more worthwhile. something that is nice and appreciated. something that is in my head and not out on the wall. urgh. well, need to discuss with parents. wondering if they would supply me $500 for the revamping and i will take out the remaining $500. total budget = $1000. should be enough. hopefully. =)

things i need:

- new bed (either singles or sofa bed)

- new colour for wardrobe (BLACK)

- alot of white frames to put sister's art pieces

- white and black paint

- new curtains (preferabbly buy the material and ask dad to sew)

- new bedlight lamps

- new study table (small one where i can just stuffs my laptop and study notes)

- new study chair

- wardrobe for bigger computer so its more organised

- does sister need a new table?

- new radio and tv!

- new storage of items

- shelf for my collections of books

- new bedsheet

- alot of cushions

- black or white armchair

- makeup baskets hang on walls

- DECORATIONS!

basically i wanna revamp my whole entire bedroom. thats all. new beds new storage space new tables. everything. yeah. i hope got enough money to do all this before hari raya. yeah something to look forward too! and and ... thats all. planned: to be done one week before hari raya. hopefully can be done!

i need helper. anyone interested, tell me! hahas.

cant wait. the room is beautiful!

XOXO

hugs and kisses

feebs, *you, yes you.*